


A Red-Letter Day

by acaseofthemondays



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 14:09:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14262681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acaseofthemondays/pseuds/acaseofthemondays
Summary: Just a quick snapshot of the Barnes-Lewis household.





	A Red-Letter Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BetsyFangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetsyFangirl/gifts).



> I made this quick little one shot for BetsyFangirl because she is just the tops and her profanity laced comments leave me giddy.

Darcy muttered a series of mild expletives to herself as she juggled her grocery bags and her purse around her burgeoning belly so she could get a hand free. She managed to finally get her hand on the print scanner of her apartment door by balancing her purse on top of her baby bump and sighed with relief when the door chirped at her, confirming her admittance.

“Finally,” she murmured, exhausted after a frustrating day of work and then being jostled by strangers on the subway. It had been a real red-letter day so far.

She took one step into her home, only to be greeted by, well…

“God fucking damnit! Son of a fucknugget, what kind of bullshit instruction manual is this?? Who the fuck designed this piece of shit furniture!?”

Bewildered, Darcy wandered into her living room to find it completely covered in what looked like disassembled nursery furniture. In the midst of the debris, Bucky and Steve stood together peering intently over what looked like the assembly manual while Tony continued his furious swearing fit. He looked quite unhinged, his hair sticking up at odd angles, face flushed, and swinging around two pieces of what was… a crib?

Darcy cleared her throat and all three men startled and snapped their attention to her.

“Hello boys….what’s going on here?”

Bucky sighed and let go of his half of the instructions, stepped around Steve to come kiss her cheek. “Hey, Darce. Sorry about the mess. I was gonna surprise you by putting all the furniture together and getting the nursery all set up while you were out but...I ran into some trouble.”

“Obviously,” she snarked, biting at her lips to keep from outright laughing at all three of them.

Bucky cringed and a gentle smile settled over his lips. “I called Steve over to help-”

“Fat lot of good that did ya,” Steve interjected.

“Yeah, so then I called Tony because he’s _supposed_ to be a genius engineer-”

“I _AM_ a genius engineer, Barnes!” Tony barked, clearly insulted. “It is not my fault that this god awful furniture was designed by a _sadist.”_

“Tony,” she replied flatly. “It’s IKEA furniture. It can’t be that difficult.”

“Lewis, I’m gonna level with you. I will buy you every last piece of baby furniture that Pottery Barn has to offer if you let me throw this crap in the _trash right now.”_ He gave another wild swing of the crib parts in his hands that had Bucky flinching and darting over to pry them out of Tony’s hands.

“We _like_ the IKEA stuff, Tony. We spent three hours in that godda-” Bucky glanced at his wife who was looking less and less pleased with each word he said, “in that--that perfectly acceptable store picking all of this out. We’re not throwing anything away.”

Tony stared at the other man in disbelief. “You know what. Fine. Fine. I’m done,” he declared and then flopped onto their couch and covered his face with his hand. “I can’t even look at this travesty for another minute.”

Darcy huffed, unamused by his tantrum. “Let me get these groceries put away and then I’ll give it a shot.”

Tony snorted, not even hiding his derision. “Trust me, Lewis, if _I_ can’t figure out how to put that crap together, then I promise you, you certainly can’t.”

Darcy pinched her lips together, biting her tongue and reminding herself that Tony was essentially her landlord and practically family. The asshole of the family, but still family.

“Right,” she gritted out and then headed towards the kitchen.

Steve pushed the manual into Bucky’s chest and followed after her. “I’ll help you, Darce,” he said, grabbing the bags out of her hands. “Lord knows I’m no help out there,” he gestured back towards the living room.

Darcy gave him a fond smile and started pulling produce from one of the bags he’d set on the kitchen counter. She was bent over, stuffing broccoli in the vegetable drawer, when she received a swift kick to her internal organs from her little passenger.

“Oof!” she gasped and scowled down at her belly.

One of Steve’s big hands landed warmly on her shoulder. “Darcy? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she muttered, pushing the vegetable drawer closed and shutting the fridge door with her hip.

He crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. “That didn’t sound like nothing.”

She had to roll her eyes at him, the dear idiot. “Steve calm your impressively large tits. It’s just the baby moving around and making a nuisance of himself.”

Steve’s face instantly brightened. “Oh? Can I feel?” he asked, adorably eager.

“Go for it,” she replied, a sunny smile in place. She gripped his wrist and guided his hand to lay against her stomach where Mini Barnes had set up camp for the moment. Steve watched expectantly while absolutely nothing happened.

“I don’t feel anything,” he muttered, brow furrowed.

“Yeah, he likes to make mommy look like a liar. Just be patient.” She nudged accusingly at one side of her belly, hoping to get a rise out of her son. He obliged and rolled away from her hand.

Steve sucked in a breath. “Holy shit,” he mumbled. “That’s...I mean, it’s amazing but it’s also…”

“Bizarre? Yeah, I know. Try feeling it from the inside sometime.”

Steve chuckled and patted gently at her stomach. “I think I’ll pass. Be nice to your mother, buddy,” he said, addressing her stomach. “She already puts up with your father. She doesn’t need any more trouble from a Barnes man.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Darcy smirked. “Alright, back to work, Rogers. Can you put the bags of rice on the bottom shelf of the pantry? I’m getting to the point where bending that low is a gamble and I really don’t feel like peeing my pants today.”

Steve gave her a disturbed glance but kept his mouth shut. Darcy laughed and patted him on the back. “Dude, I know.”

With her groceries successfully put away, Darcy and Steve wandered back into the living room. Tony was where they’d left him, but Bucky was kneeling at the epicenter of the debris, poring over the manual again. Darcy walked up to him and stood looking over his shoulder. Out of habit, he absently reached up to rub her belly.

“Honey, can you hand me the, uh...with the, uh…” he flicked his hand vaguely towards a pile of wooden parts. Darcy, who by this point was fluent in people-who-are-too-intent-on-a-project-to-be-articulate, hooked her foot under the rung of what he was asking for and bent slightly to retrieve it from her ankle. She moved back to his side and with some delicate grunting, settled on the floor beside him.

“Here, gimme that,” she grumbled, pulling the manual from his hands.”You go to the kitchen and make me some tea.” She glanced at Tony who was still sprawled out on the couch. “And make Tony a drink. Steve, you want anything?”

“A beer would be great.”

“You got it. Hop to it, husband.”

Bucky bussed a kiss to her cheek and rose to his feet. Tony, who had perked up at the mention of a drink, rose from the couch to follow Bucky, muttering something about supervising since, “Barnes can’t tell the good stuff from bathtub swill.”

“Hey, don’t blame him,” Steve replied, following the other two into the kitchen. “Me and Bucky grew up during prohibition. All you could get was bathtub swill.”

“Tragic,” muttered Tony.

Darcy rolled her eyes and set to work assembling first the crib and then the changing table. She was halfway done with the bookshelf when Bucky wandered back in.

He stopped in his tracks. “Woah,” was all he said before setting her tea in front of her, followed by a bowl of queso and a bag of tortilla chips he’d had tucked under his arm.

Darcy cooed and pulled him down for a kiss. “Oh, the Good Queso. You know what I like, baby.” And she really, _really_ liked the Good Queso. She’d practically eaten her weight in chips and queso since she’d gotten pregnant. For a while, it was the only thing she could eat without wanting to vomit. As far as cravings went, it was pretty decent and not as bizarre as other women’s. Though, she did get caught by Bucky more than once forgoing the chips and just spooning it straight from the bowl. That had been fairly embarrassing.

Bucky dipped to kiss her again, an uncomplicated grin on his face, as it was most days now. “I sure do. I hope you don’t mind, but I let the guys have some, too.” He jutted a thumb back towards the kitchen where Darcy could hear the tell-tale crunching of queso thievery.

She scowled at her husband. “I take it back. You do _not_ know what I like.”

He nipped at her pursed bottom lip. “Be nice. Sharing is caring, sweetheart. And don’t you want to set a good example for our son?” he asked, all wide, innocent blue eyes.

“No, I don’t. I want to eat _all_ of my fucking queso, Barnes.”

Bucky tugged gently at one of her curls. “I promise I’ll get you a double batch from Mrs. Quintanilla first thing tomorrow.”

She scowled at him another moment before relenting. “Fine, but you’re on thin ice, mister.”

“I’ll make it up to you later,” he said lowly, winking at her.

“I heard that,” Steve called from the kitchen. Bucky grinned shamelessly.

“Heard wha-” Tony started to say as he and Steve rounded the corner from the kitchen. “Lewis, how the hell-” he stared at the fully assembled furniture, utterly lost for words.

“Oh no, honey. You broke Stark.”

Darcy smiled smugly at the supposed genius engineer. “It appears that way.”

Tony gaped like a fish, gesturing at her. “How?”

Darcy quirked up an eyebrow at him. “I can read Swedish,” she replied simply.

“You...what?”

“Thor taught me. I mean, the version he taught me is a bit outdated, but it’s close enough that I could read this.” She lifted the manual and waved it slightly.

Steve blinked at her slowly. “Why?”

“Because we needed a secret way to plot against Janey when she gets stubborn about taking a break from science to eat. And bathe,” she said with a wrinkle of her nose. For a such a cute woman, Jane could really stink to high heaven when left to her own devices.

Steve nodded. “Makes sense.” He’d witnessed Jane in the middle of a breakthrough before. The smell had kept him out of the lab for a week.

Tony crossed his arms over his chest and just stared at her. She straightened her shoulders and stared back, an eyebrow ticked up in defiance.

Tony finally caved with a sigh and a roll of his eyes. “I suppose I owe you an apology?”

She smiled sweetly at him. “Yes.”

“I apologize.”

“For?” she prompted, sugary and high pitched.

“For underestimating your superior genius when it comes to IKEA furniture?”

“And?”

He looked at her blankly. “....and for being an asshole about it?”

Darcy grinned. “Bingo! Gold star for you, Stark.”

“Thanks, mom,” he grumbled goodnaturedly.

Darcy dunked a chip in her bowl of queso and chomped down in triumph. Dammit, but she loved the Good Queso. Proving Tony Stark wrong felt pretty good, too.

It was _certainly_ turning out to be a red-letter day.


End file.
